The art of saying yes

Accepting a helping hand and making connections

Every culture is different, but where I grew up, a last-minute invitation to dinner comes with its accompanying routine:

'-I just wanted to swing by to say hi, I don’t want to impose!

-Don’t be silly, it’s no imposition!

-How about I just stay for one drink?

-Whatever you prefer, but we’d love to have you stay for dinner.

-If you really don’t mind, sure, it would be lovely.'

I’ve stopped playing this game; I just say yes and thank you. Cycle touring triggered that change in me. Over the last eight years, I have been on my bike, travelling and living a nomadic lifestyle for about a quarter of my time. 

Wherever I go, I carry my food and a tent. I wild camp in isolated places and occasionally ask locals for permission to sleep on their land. When they say yes, I emphasise that my needs are limited to filling up a water bottle from their tap and occupying three square metres for my pitch. Sometimes I get exactly what I ask for, but often, I get offered a cup of tea, the use of the bathroom, or even a meal and a bedroom. 

In some remote places in South America, my pals and I appeared as an exotic distraction. When you travel by bike, you inevitably end up in places few tourists go. Many people do not have the luxury of travelling, and sometimes chatting with a traveller is the closest they will get to discovering another continent. They might invite the neighbours over so that they too, can enjoy a good story. You might be tired, but I believe it is your duty to be obliging when someone opens up their home to you. 

You do not need to go anywhere remote to experience this sort of exchange. During my latest bikepacking trip in Ireland, I got offered the spare bedroom three out of four nights. All I ever asked for was a water top-up and an idea of where I might pitch my tent. In all my years of travelling, I’ve only seen this sort of hospitality in two countries: Chile and Ireland. Chileans loved that I came from Paris, a very romanticised city, and that I was travelling with two other women. We sometimes got offered a roof for the night while we were just standing in the middle of the village. I do think that many Chileans are warm and hospitable in general, but our exciting origin was certainly a plus. 

To most people, someone who cycles and camps appears as a bit of an oddity. Although bikepacking is becoming a big buzzword among cyclists, it remains quite an alien concept to many. Locals often find my ways intriguing: “You travel alone? Is this all the luggage you have? What do you do if you get tired?”.

I realise asking someone to pitch on their land is an imposition, and I have learnt to make my intentions clear and non-threatening: “We are looking for a place for one night, we have all the food we need, and we usually go to bed very early”. After that, my victim, as I like to call them, can choose to tell me they cannot help or offer me a solution. When the solution includes a cup of tea or a bed, I just say: “Yes, as long as it’s really no trouble”. I set some boundaries for myself: I carry my own towel and no matter how much they insist, I never use the sheets on the bed, preferring to sleep in my camping bedding on top of the bed to spare them any laundry. I try to keep an extra nice treat in my saddle bag, which can serve as a pick-me-up or as a thank you gesture. The nougat or nice chocolate I have to offer may have suffered some light crushing in my pack, but at least I have something to show that I have no intention of being a leech to my hosts. I also take down their address and send them a postcard when I get home. Lastly, I share my own contact details and let my hosts know that they have a spare room waiting for them in London. These are the terms I have set myself to be comfortable in accepting someone’s hospitality.

By accepting so many offers, I have met many people from all sorts of backgrounds, far removed from my London life. I have gained a much deeper understanding of the local culture and customs by not only eating at cafes and staying in hostels, but by actually living with someone for a night. I have learnt about different lifestyles and ways of building houses first hand. I hate to think of all the good times I would have missed out on had I travelled in a more conventional way or been embarrassed to accept a helping hand.

I started travelling this way because it was all my budget allowed. I now cannot imagine travelling any other way because that is all I want to do.